Nighttime Woes
by Write No More
Summary: Hiccup and Toothless. At NIGHT! Review, and please take a look at my other story, Mouthing Off for even more laughs.
1. Abduction

For as long as Hiccup could remember, on more than one occasion where he found Toothless wanting to have him sleep with him. At first, this puzzled him, as the dragon was usually very solitary. But then he simply took it as the Night Fury wanting some company to possibly amuse him.

Toothless would often sit up in Hiccup's house at night and nudge and breathe great gusts of air through his nostrils until his rider was awake.

"Go to sleep, Toothless," the boy would say, and roll over until he was facing away from his friend. Then Toothless would plod on over to the other side, taking large, heavy steps that shook the foundation of the structure before lapping at Hiccup's face with a slimy tongue. By this point, Hiccup would sit up and glare at the dragon. Toothless sat down on his rump like a bunny and stared back. This would go on for an undetermined amount of time before Hiccup blinked. Then he would give in to oblige and accept the dragon's invitation for a much more comfortable bed that night, wrapped tightly in those wide spanning leathery wings against Toothless' plump body. He usually tried to escape his clutches after Toothless did and was able to tell when the dragon began to swell and deflate in a constant rhythm. He would slowly and carefully try and slide out from his arms.

It didn't work.

Ever.

Hiccup would promptly be yanked back and pulled into an even tighter bear hug.

"This is going to be a long night."

Over the weeks, Hiccup learned to resist such temptations.

Toothless tried every tactic in the book this night. He plopped his massive head down at the foot of Hiccup's bed and would whimper and pined for his companion, terrorizing Hiccup with his oh-so-innocent, wide puppy dog eyes that were absolutely irresistible with those beady, cute, narrow cat-like pupils that darted around expressively and spread his lips apart into a gaping, toothless smile.

"No," Hiccup said firmly before turning over in his sheets and readjusting his pillow.

Toothless began to pout and jumped to his perch on the wooden beams of the house and prepared for his attack. He leaped and tackled the human, crashing through the wall and out into Berk with Hiccup's head inside his mouth.

Hiccup recalled how Toothless enjoyed many positions in getting comfortable. If it was a particular hot or muggy day, the fire breathing beast preferred to laze around under the shade of the trees on his back while Hiccup slept on his belly. If it was sleeping, he curled up and usually had Hiccup under his wings.

This time was completely uncalled for.

Astrid expected to find the two in their home, but instead came upon the discovery of the destroyed walls. And so she traveled by foot all the way to their usual hiding spot and found Toothless hanging upside down by a tree branch. Where there was Toothless there had to be Hiccup. But Hiccup was nowhere to be seen.

"Astrid," a muffled voice squeaked as she approached the sleeping dragon. Hiccup's head popped out of Toothless' wings, similar to the pouch of a kangaroo. "Help me!"

"How?"

"Do something! Anything! I can feel the blood rushing to my head!" he cried.

"Oh, I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? Get me down!"

"Alright, alright," Astrid said. She poked Toothless' head and waved. The dragon acknowledged her and went back to snoozing. She poked him harder and he scrunched up his nose in minor annoyance. Hiccup thrashed and flailed and finally they both collapsed into the snow.

"Ow..."

"At least there was snow," Astrid said.

Hiccup, crushed beneath the dragon's weight was unable to reply.

Toothless picked himself up and dusted himself off as if nothing happened, licking his paw.

Hiccup gave chase. "By Thor's hammer just you wait until I get my hands on you, you oversized salamander with wings!"

Toothless ran away, tongue sticking out.


	2. Hot Coffee

Hiccup felt himself beginning to nod off at his desk by the dim candlelight, charcoal stick slowly slipping out from between his fingers, his vision blurring. He closed his eyes and set his head down, using a book to prop up his head in place of a soft, comfortable, fluffy pillow…

"Maybe just for a minute," he yawned, closing his eyes.

Toothless rolled his eyes, knowing his rider all too well.

Hiccup's head snapped up. "No!" He slapped himself silly in the face and shuddered.

Toothless cocked his head in confusion. Humans were the strangest creatures he had ever met.

"Must stay awake! Gotta get this done, gotta finish the new tail prototype, gotta get some sleep."

The Night Fury snorted. He waddled over and blew out the candle.

"Toothless, not now. I'm working," Hiccup growled, lighting a match.

He blew it out again.

"Not funny, Toothless," he said, pushing the dragon away. "I know what you're trying to do."

Toothless set his head down on Hiccup's lap and whimpered sadly.

"That's not working on me this time."

Time to use his secret weapon, Toothless thought grimly with an evil, devious smile spreading across his face. He blinked a couple times and got all teary and pressed his forehead against Hiccup's, using his cute nature to his advantage and gazed into Hiccup's emerald eyes with an innocent, wide-eyed expression.

Hiccup stared back, biting his lip.

He would not be weak. He would be strong.

He tried to look away, but Toothless' eyes drilled into his, unable to break the connection the two had. His expression softened, lips twitching into a lopsided smile, almost falling for it.

Almost.

He smirked and tousled the Night Fury's fins. "Nice try."

Darn it. The mighty dragon huffed and thumped his tail against the floor in defeat, unhappy with the rejection.

"You want to fly tomorrow, don't 'cha?"

Toothless perked up at the idea of flying.

"Well then, you gotta let me finish up this new design. It'll be your brand new tail and it'll be even better than before. Okay?"

The dragon nodded excitedly, bouncing up and down, feeling giddy at the thought. He lapped at Hiccup's face.

Hiccup laughed, shoving the dragon away. "Okay, okay, I get it!"

They both sat in silence for a while, the sound of Hiccup writing the only audible thing Toothless could hear, the tip of his pencil scratching against the parchment. Toothless let out a yawn and stretched, shifting his butt into a more comfortable position, shutting his eyes only for a moment while keeping an ear trained on Hiccup.

"I'm just gonna take a little nap," Hiccup slurred.

Toothless suddenly heard the sound of something being knocked over. He sat up and turned to find Hiccup slumped over in his seat, snoring softly. He screeched in terror and ran over, shaking the boy.

_Oh Hiccup, are you alright?_

"Lemme sleep a little, you big dumb dragon," his friend murmured in his sleep, "Why yes, Astrid, I'd love to kiss you again. Your turn..."

Toothless facepalmed and smacked Hiccup with his paw.

_Wake up, you silly goose!_

"Agh! What is it, Toothless?"

The dragon gestured angrily to his work.

"Oh yeah. I was just getting to that."

He gave Hiccup a stern glare and pointed at his eyes, then back at Hiccup's.

_I'm watching you, mister._

Hiccup went back to work drawing up the tail schematic before his head hit the table. Toothless shuffled over and opened his mouth, careful to retract his fangs, and engulfed Hiccup's head. Hiccup found himself inside the depths of a gummy maw clamped over his entire head, the smell of fish filling his nostrils and saliva dampening his hair. He was unable to cry out, feeling around outside Toothless' head before he was spit out.

"What did you do that for?" he shrieked.

_To wake you up. You fell asleep. Again._

Toothless lifted Hiccup up and sat him down in the chair.

"And where do you think you're going?"

_Off. To find something to keep you awake._

Toothless searched through the kitchen, rummaging through drawers and shelves, trying to pick up a familiar scent that wafted to his snout. It was a strange aroma that he just couldn't quite put his claw on. It smelled sweet and alluring, yet tasted bitter when he bit into it when Hiccup gave him one. What was it? He remembered something about roasted beans being brewed to make some sort of beverage and that Hiccup's father especially enjoyed a cup of it in the morning. Merchants and traders often sailed by the island in great ships with crates to barter for goods.

Coffee!

There was still a pot filled with the drink sitting on the table next to a plate of pastries.

He carefully grabbed two cups – one for him and one for Hiccup – and in a great show of dexterity, managed to pour the liquid perfectly without spilling a single drop. Now came the hard part. He slowly grabbed one cup by the handle with his teeth, turning his head sideways, and made his way back to the office where Hiccup worked.

He came back to find the boy snoring. He set the cup down with a loud clatter, startling the boy.

"Huh? Oh. Hey Toothless. What's that you got there?" Hiccup took a sip of the coffee. "Mm. That's good. Thanks buddy."

Toothless accepted the praise modestly and watched as Hiccup's expression turned from lethargic into something else.

His eye twitched. His hands shook profusely and he stood up, kicking over the chair.

"Toothless, let's go!" he bellowed, grabbing the dragon by the scruff of his neck and his papers out to the blacksmith's forge.

_What's going on?_

"We're going to make the new tail!"

_Now? But it's so late!_

Hiccup began whirling around the stall, moving faster than Toothless had ever seen him move since they'd met, dodging sharp and pointy things flying over his head as Hiccup began digging through all the drawers.

"Are you kidding me? At this rate, we'll be finished by morning!"

_Are you okay?_

Hiccup turned around, facing the dragon with a wild expression, eye still twitching.

"I feel great! Never better," he stammered, tripping over his words and laughing gleefully, doing a little dance with his feet.

Now Toothless was worried. What was in that magical drink that suddenly gave his friend a burst of energy? He frowned, scouring his memories, trying to remember something that Hiccup's father had said to him one morning over breakfast.

While the dragon preferred his Icelandic cod, the Viking preferred having a cup of coffee with some toast.

**"Seeing as yer watching over my boy nowadays, Night Fury," Stoick began.**

**Toothless looked up.**

**"There's something you should know." **

**He cocked his head.**

**Stoick took a sip and set the cup down, wiping his lips with the back of his hairy hand. **

**"As long as he's alive, never ever let the boy have coffee." **

Toothless' eyes widened as Hiccup giggled maniacally, hammering away at the anvil.

_OH NO!_


	3. Bedtime Stories

"If you give Toothless a fish, he's going to ask for a cup of mead. But Hiccup won't give him some mead, because the last time he let Toothless have a sip of his dad's mead, the Night Fury went on a drunken rampage around Berk that ended in the construction of several new buildings to replace a few that were destroyed.

So Toothless just settles for water.

When you give him the water, he's probably going to ask for a straw. 'Cause, you know, he can't just lap it up with his tongue.

When he's finished, he'll ask for a napkin.

Then he'll wanna have Hiccup smell his breath to make sure he doesn't have fish breath. When he asks Hiccup how his breath smells, he notices that Hiccup has fainted, and decides he needs to brush his teeth. He'll probably ask for a toothbrush. But then he'll realize that he doesn't have opposable thumbs. When Hiccup starts to brush Toothless' teeth, he'll start making a mess because he just remembered that he hates having his teeth brushed.

When he's finished brushing Toothless' teeth, he'll want Toothless to clean up.

When the dragon is done cleaning, he'll probably want to take a nap. And Hiccup will probably have to take a nap as well since Toothless doesn't like to be alone. Toothless will curl up and make himself comfortable with Hiccup in his wings.

He'll probably ask Hiccup to read him a story. So Hiccup will read him a book about theoretical physics to try and bore him and he'll ask to see the pictures. When Toothless finds out that the pictures are boring diagrams and mathematical equations, he'll want to draw his own pictures. He'll ask for paper and charcoal.

And then he remembers that he still doesn't have opposable thumbs, so he has Hiccup draw them for him.

When the picture is finished, he'll want to sign his name with his paw. Even Hiccup was the one who drew everything. Then Toothless will want to hang the picture up on Hiccup's refrigerator, which means he'll need some tape. But his saliva will do just fine.

He'll hang up their drawing and stand back to look at it.

Looking at the refrigerator will remind Toothless that he's really thirsty.

So he'll ask for some water. And chances are if that he asks for some water, he'll want some fish to go with it.

Which is why you should never give Toothless fish," Hiccup said, closing the book.

THWACK!

"Ouch!"

Toothless whacked him upside the head with his tail.

_That's not how the story goes! _

"Alright, alright, how about this one?"

Toothless huffed and rubbed his belly.

"Once upon a time on an island in a Viking village there was a girl, the prettiest and most beautiful warrior anyone had ever seen. Everyone liked her, especially a handsome young boy and the village Elder. The Elder had made her a little red riding hood. It suited her so well that everyone called her Little Red Riding Hood. One day, having managed not to set off an explosion with her cooking, Little Red Riding Hood decided visit the Elder at the top of the island to see how she was doing and took some desserts along with her. It was getting late, but she thought she could get there in time before nightfall. As she skipped happily along in the darkness, a dragon snuck up to her, ready to snap her up in his jaws if it were not for some Vikings nearby.

'Where are you going?' the dragon asked.

Little Red Riding Hood, the poor girl, who didn't know that dragons were dangerous, replied, 'To see the village Elder at the top of the island to give her some cakes and sweets!

And so the dragon flew as fast as he could to the house at the top of the island and knocked on the Elder's door.

'Who is it?' asked the Elder.

'It is Little Red Riding Hood!' the dragon said in a phony voice.

The bedridden Viking Elder was unable to get up and told the dragon to open the door. The dragon immediately gobbled her up."

Toothless gasped.

"He dressed in her clothes and got into her bed, waiting for Little Red Riding Hood to come so that he could eat her too."

_Egad! _

"She finally came and knocked on the door.

'Who is it?' the dragon growled.

The dragon's terrible roar scared her, but she believed that the Elder had a sore throat. Little Red Riding Hood answered, 'It is Little Red Riding Hood, Elder! I have brought you some treats!'

'Come in, my dear and join me in bed!' the dragon boomed.

Little Red Riding Hood obeyed and said, 'Elder, what big arms you have!'

The dragon hissed, 'All the better to hug you with!'

'What big legs you have!'

'All the better to run with.'

'What big ears you have!'

'All the better to hear with.'

'What big eyes you have!'

"All the better to see with.'

'What big teeth you have!'

"All the better to EAT you up with!' roared the dragon.

Little Red Riding Hood screamed as loud as possible."

_Oh no!_ Toothless thought.

"Luckily, the handsome young Viking boy happened to be nearby and ran inside," Hiccup said aloud and noticed how into the story Toothless was.

_AND?_

"It was too late. The dragon ate them all and lived happily ever after. The end," Hiccup finished.

Toothless wiped away tears of joy.

"Toothless, what's wrong?"

_I always cry at happy endings. _

"You wanna hear an even better story?"

The dragon nodded happily, bouncing up and down on the bed.

"Okay, okay. This is Berk. It's twelve days north of hopeless and a few degrees south of freezing to death. It's located solidly on the meridian of misery..."

_This sounds awfully familiar_, Toothless noted as he listened intently.

"The boy finally woke up and everyone celebrated his efforts," he finished.

Toothless stared at him.

"To be continued?"

Toothless was outraged.

_That's it? _

Hiccup laughed, scratching the Night Fury's fins. "Don't you know where this is from?"

The dragon gave a blank stare.

"It's our story, Toothless! It's a story about us!" he grinned, hugging the dragon.

Toothless' eyes widened.

_Oh. I knew that. But how does it end?_

Hiccup shrugged. "I don't know yet."

As Toothless curled up next to Hiccup's bed later that night, he began brainstorming for more ideas to add to their story.

_We'll just have to keep writing. _


	4. Bromance

Hiccup sighed as he settled into his bed, propping a pillow against his back and lighting a candle.

"How could it get any better than this?"

He sat for awhile, turning the pages, completely absorbed in whatever he was reading until he felt the weight shift on his mattress. He found himself staring into Toothless' face.

"Hi Toothless," the rider said before he stuck his nose back into his book.

_Hi Hiccup!_

The Night Fury gave him a playful lick.

"Stop it." He pushed the dragon away.

He licked Hiccup's face again.

"Quit it!"

"Hiccup? Do you love me?"

Hiccup went white as a sheet. Did Toothless just talk? Something wasn't right. Toothless certainly couldn't talk. He was hallucinating. Probably thanks to his coffee-induced crash. Yes, that was it. He should just play along and he would wake up in the morning.

"Well, yes, Toothless. Of course I love you."

"So you'd say you're gay?"

"Wait, what? No! I meant in a bromantic way!" he sputtered.

"Is that a yes?"

"We're family, Toothless," Hiccup deadpanned. "Like it or not, I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering. I met this dragon today and he was just looking at me and smiling and sharing his fish and everything! I think he might have thought, that _I _was gay!"

"So why are you telling me this?" Hiccup stammered nervously. "Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?"

"Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it."

"I'm not getting defensive!" Hiccup nearly shouted and regained his composure. "I'm trying to read."

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Hiccup. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

"Well I don't want to talk about it, Toothless! This conversation is over!" Hiccup huffed.

"Yeah, but…"

"OVER!"

"Well, okay!" The dragon got off. "But just so you know…"

Hiccup set down his book and saw Toothless putting on a top hat. He nearly jumped out of his skin when music began to play.

"If you were gay," the dragon sang, "that'd be okay."

"What on earth are you wearing? Where did you get that hat?"

"I mean 'cause hey, I'd like you anyway!"

Toothless danced on his two hind legs, pulling Hiccup from his bed and spinning him around. "Because you see…"

"This doesn't make any sense!"

"If it were meeeeee!"

"I'm getting dizzy!"

"I'd feel free to say that I was gay, but I'm not gay," Toothless added.

"Toothless, please."

"If you were queer…"

"Ugh."

"I'd still be here."

"Please!"

"Year after year."

"Really, is this necessary?"

"Because you're dear to me!"

Hiccup began to bang his head against the wall to try and wake himself up from this nightmare.

"And I'd know that you…"

"What?"

"Would accept me tooooo!"

"I WOULD?" Hiccup cried in horror.

"If I told you today, 'Hey, guess what, I'm gay!', but I'm not gay."

"DEAR GODS HELP ME!" The boy ran around in circles before the dragon grabbed him by his collar and the two began to dance in a romantic waltz with a spotlight on them.

"Wha? How did we get here? Why am I in a tux?"

"I'm happy just being with you!"

"Where did you get that dress? ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK?"

"So what should it matter to me, what you do in bed with GUYS!"

"TOOTHLESS THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE!" Hiccup cried in exasperation.

A chorus line of Monstrous Nightmares, Deadly Nadders, and Zipplebacks in skirts came out of nowhere as music began to play louder and faster doing the can-can.

"If you were gay, I'd shout, 'HOORAAAAAY!'" Toothless cheered.

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!"

"And here I'd stay!"

Hiccup plugged his ears. "LA-LA-LA-LA!"

"But I wouldn't get in your way!"

The poor boy threw up his hands and howled in agony.

"You can count on me, to always beside you every day."

"Make it stop!"

"To tell you it's okay!"

"NOTHING MAKES SENSE!"

"You were just born that way!"

"THAT DOESN'T HELP!"

"Even though it's not the Viking way, you're gaaaaay!" Toothless screeched.

"I am NOT gay!" he shouted indignantly.

"If you were gay!" the dragon added.

Poof!

"AGH!" Hiccup sat up in his bed sweating profusely. He looked around. "That was a weird dream."

A pause.

"Toothless doesn't know how to dance."

Hiccup got out of bed and went downstairs and grabbed a glass of water.

"No more coffee for me!"

He went back upstairs and opened the door to find Toothless blocking the way.

"If you were gay!" the dragon sang happily.

"WAAAAAH!"

His eyes bulged out of his eye sockets. Hiccup slammed the door in the Night Fury's face.

_Owwwww…_

There was a pained gurgle on the other side. He opened the door to find Toothless rubbing his bloody nose.

_Why would you DO that?_


End file.
